Coachgun

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip strobe light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant. "I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar and knocking over other peoples drinks and is really obnoxious. The monkey then jumps on the pool table and swallows a billiard ball. The bartender screams at the guy, “your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table!” “I’m sorry”, replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little SOB. I promise I’ll pay for everything.” The man finishes his drink and pays the bartender for all the damages including the cue ball. A few weeks go by and the man comes back into the bar with his monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey again starts running around the bar knocking over drinks and finds a maraschino cherry. He grabs it and sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now”, he asks? “Yeah”, replies the guy. “He still eats everything in sight but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures things first!”

Thanks for sharing Andy! Will certainly keep those in mind when it's time to replace my current ratchet straps! CG

Welcome Mike! Great looking Defender you've got! CG

Welcome RMiller....nice looking Defender you've got. The blue looks great! CG

Welcome to the forum Watchman and congratulations on your new Defender! CG

Welcome from North Texas Twisted Buzzard! Where in the Lone Star state are you located! Enjoy your new HD8 and all the best for a great hunting season! CG

Three women worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, the boss left work early. One day, the women decided that when the boss left they would leave too. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, had some playtime with her son and went to bed early.The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband. But when she got home, she heard a muffled noise coming from inside her bedroom. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead said they planned to leave early again and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," she said, "I almost got caught yesterday!"

Large coffee, extra hot...less than four words! 👍

Old Billy Joe loved to fish and was sitting in his boat one day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up." Billy Joe looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. Billy Joe said, "Are you talking to me?" The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll then give you more sexual pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of." Billy Joe stared at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front shirt pocket. Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had." Billy Joe opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

Little Johnny and his father were walking in the park. They saw two dogs having sex. Little Johnny asks, "What are they doing, Dad?" Dad replies, "They're making puppies." Later that evening little Johnny walks into his parents’ bedroom and they are having sex. He asks, "What are you doing?" Dad replies, "We're making a baby." Little Johnny replies, "Well, can you turn her over? I want puppies!"

Welcome Huntschool and enjoy that new Defender! Great to hear all of your shooting hobbies. Stay safe and healthy up there! CG

Welcome Keith and enjoy your new Defender! CG

Two businessmen were taking a break while setting up their soon-to-open store's shelving units. There they sat, in the middle of nothing but empty shelves. One said, "I bet any minute now some smart-aleck will stick his head in the door and ask what we're selling." Within minutes, a man did just that, "Hey gentlemen, whacha' sellin'?" One of the businessmen responded sarcastically, "We're selling a**holes." Without missing a beat, the man replied, "Looks like business is good; ya only got two left!"

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. 1:00 a.m. came however, and he didn't return. 2:00 and no hired hand. Finally he returned around 2:30 and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"

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One rainy spring night in Boston, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat. "Where to?" he stammered. "Park Road," answered the woman. "OK," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at?" "Well lady," replied the driver, "I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare." The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does THIS answer your question?" Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?"

A young man is buying some condoms. The cashier asks him, "Would you like a bag with those?" "No," he replies, "she's not that ugly."

Little Johnny always struggled a bit in school but always tried hard to please his parents and his teacher. One day, his teacher was giving a lesson about nouns. She said, “an abstract noun is something you can think of but not touch. Can someone give me two examples?” Thinking quick on his feet and wanting to impress his teacher, Johnny was quick to raise his hand and proclaiming he had an answer! The teacher said, “calm down Johnny, what is your answer?” Johnny proudly replied, “your boobs!” And that’s why Little Johnny failed 2nd grade.

Figured out it is an 18mm. 🤪 Now ready for hunting season! CG