Coachgun

Welcome from Plano and congratulations on your new Defender! CG

An elderly couple was attending a church service. About halfway through the wife leans over and says, "I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"The husband replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again. Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm twelve blocks past my stop already."

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?" "No," the cook said, "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon." "Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?" She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook venison steaks. However, all of Bubba’s neighbors were Catholic and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating red meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steak was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The priest came to visit Bubba and suggested he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass. The priest sprinkled Holy water over him and said, “You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.” Bubba’s neighbors were greatly relieved until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison steaks filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors. As the priest rushed into Bubba’s yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of Holy water, which he carefully sprinkled over the grilled meat while chanting, “You was born a deer and you was raised a deer, but now you are a catfish.”

Never Take Your Wife to the State Fair! My wife and I went to the state fair and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, “THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR”. My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said, “He mated 50 times last year.” We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, “THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR.” My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, “WOW! That’s more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.” We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, “THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR”. My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs and said, “That’s once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one.” I looked at her and said, “Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow?” My condition is slowly improving and I’ve been upgraded from critical to stable condition. Doctors say I should make a full recovery.

Day late....happy new year everyone!

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the” night. We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out and I’ve got a really good feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that!” “I’m pretty positive after this first time, there’ll be many more times so you’d better give me the 12 pack.” The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he could say the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer and continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, “You never told me you were such a religious person?” The boy leans over to her and whispers, “You never told me your father was a pharmacist!”

Thank you everyone for your input! Definitely gives me some options to consider.

Welcome from North Texas. Great looking machine Dave! CG

Good afternoon all, I’m considering putting on some seat covers on my HD8 (40/20/40 configuration). I’d appreciate feedback from where you purchased them and if you’ve been pleased with them for fit, looks and quality. Thank you in advance! CG

Bob and his wife Hazel were sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "Attention all!!" and farts loudly clearing out everyone within 12 feet of him. Hazel is extremely embarrassed, and Bob looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunk replies, "I'm sorry I should have remembered, ladies first!"