Coachgun

Nice looking Defender pepatrick! Jeep is awesome too! Welcome to the forum! CG

Tom had just bought a new Ferrari and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair, music was playing loud and he decided to open up the throttle. As the needle jumped up to 80mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There ain't no way they can catch a Ferrari," he thought to himself, and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100, 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. "What on earth am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The officer came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "Listen pal, I've had a tough shift and this is my last traffic stop. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me one good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, I will let you off with a warning!" "Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to bring her back!" "Have a nice night," said the officer.

A Hunt 2 Remember... When you're logged in, look in the upper right hand corner where your user name is with the "A" next to it. Click the drop down and select "profile". That will open up your profile page where you'll see the "A" on the left hand side just to the left of your user name. In the "A" box, there should be a white circle with a picture icon in the lower left portion of your letter "A". Click on that icon and it should give you the option of either dragging/dropping a picture or uploading a picture. That's how I added my profile picture. All the best to you! CG

A 21 year old blonde girl met a large, powerfully built body builder at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. After they get relaxed on the couch, the body builder takes off his shirt, and while doing so, he exclaims, “Boom!” The blonde says, “What a great chest you have!” He tells her, “That’s 100 pounds of dynamite, baby!” He then rips off his pants, once again yelling, “Boom!” The blonde is impressed and says, “My, what massive calves you have!” The body builder tells her, “That’s 100 pounds of dynamite, baby.” He then rips off his underwear, and exclaims, “Boom!” The blonde goes running out of the apartment, screaming in fear. The bodybuilder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that. The blonde replies, “I didn’t want to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was!”

A guys first condom experience… “Herb was telling his friend Joe about his first time using a condom, when he was around 18 or so. He went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that Herb was new at it. She handed him the package and asked if he knew how to wear one. He answered honestly, ‘No, this is my first time.’ So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned Herb to make sure it was on tight and secure. Herb apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. ‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking Herb’s hand, she led him into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked Herb. Well, Herb was so dumb-struck that all he could do was nod his head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As he was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk. ‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So Herb removed his clothes and got down to business. He said it was so great, but unfortunately, he could no longer hold back and was done within a few moments. She looked at Herb with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you have any problem putting that condom on?’ she asked. Herb said, ‘No, not at all,’ and held up his thumb to show her. She fainted.

Although it’s been well over 10 years since I’ve played golf, I saw this on another forum and thought it was too good not to share. Enjoy, stay safe and have a good weekend! Pandemic Golf March Madness is cancelled, the NBA is shut down, the Masters is postponed, and my Aunt Marge’s senior bowling has even thrown in the towel. Now restaurants and bars are closed, and our 40-handicap governor is threatening to shut down all entertainment facilities including golf courses. I have not tested positive, but the coronavirus is killing me. There is nowhere to go and nothing to do. My wife suggested we take a walk, but I don’t walk anywhere unless I have a golf club in my hand and its cart path only. My kids have a restraining order on us and won’t let us come within 200 yards of the grandchildren. And we can no longer eat out, but when we tried to cook at home, there were cobwebs in the oven. The network channels are inundated with coverage of the virus. The golf channel has been showing reruns of old tournaments, which are almost as riveting as watching my brother-in-law’s video of his family camping trip to Yellowstone. And my wife is so desperate for something to do, she is even considering sex, and maybe even with me. Paranoia is off the tracks. Before the shutdown, we were having dinner at a local bar. I let out a loud sneeze and everyone at the surrounding tables started yelling "check please." My stock portfolio is plummeting and most of our cash is currently invested in toilet paper. I am washing my hands 137 times a day. I don’t touch anyone. I don’t even touch myself. I have been using tongs to go to the bathroom. This has to stop. Our society and economy have been crippled by a microscopic virus. Scientists have not yet determined the exact origin but have narrowed it down to a Chinese fish market or Rosie O’Donnell’s bathtub. And no one is sure how to prevent or cure it. In the past, the ways to prevent contracting a contagious disease were simple: don’t eat in restaurants with cat on the menu and don’t date my college roommate’s sister. I don’t consider myself to be in the high risk category. I have been building up my immune system by eating one meal per day at MacDonald’s for the last 25 years. Germs just slide through me. My only pre-existing condition is an inability to launch a golf ball further than 180 yards. And, according to the CDC, symptoms of the coronavirus are sweats, dizziness, and trouble breathing, which I experience whenever I am standing over a 3 foot putt. I can handle it. So, I proposed to my regular foursome the idea of escaping from our self-imposed Stalag 17 and venturing outside for a round of golf. Everyone recognized the danger and severity of the situation. But when faced with the decision to remain sequestered with our wives or to risk contracting a deadly virus, it was a no-brainer. Every man opted to play golf. Our foursome does not pose a medical risk to mankind. My friend, George is virus free. Social distancing has not been a problem for him. Other than us, he doesn’t have any friends. Bob, my neighbor is a urologist who has been working from home for several weeks. He has developed a way to do remote prostate exams by having patients sit on their cell phone. And our other partner, Jerry tested himself with a kit he bought online. However, he thinks he may have gotten the wrong kit. It showed no traces of the virus but indicated that he was pregnant with twins. The federal government has established guidelines for social engagement. For example, you must stay at least 6 feet apart and no more than 10 people are allowed at a gathering, which means Greg Brady’s fan club can still meet. In addition, our foursome drafted our own specific set of rules for Pandemic Golf. Rules of Play: • Hazmat suits are permitted. As an alternative, one can wear a college mascot costume or big bunny pajamas. • Masks are not permitted, because we would look more like stagecoach robbers than a foursome. • Leave the flag in. And to avoid retrieving balls from the hole, any putt shorter than Lebron James is good. • Ride in separate golf carts and don’t come closer to another player than a fully extended ball retriever. • Don’t touch another player’s balls. This is always good advice. • No high fives. Fortunately, we seldom have a reason. • No petting the geese or the cart girl. • Don’t use the spot-a-pot. More disease in there than in all of Wuhan China. • No excuses. Slicing or hooking are not side effects of the coronavirus. • Make an online bank transfer to pay off your bets for the day. • Straddle the sprinkler on the 18th hole before getting into the car. These rules and restrictions adequately protected us from contamination. Unfortunately, there is no vaccine for bad golf. I had trouble gripping the club with oven mittens, but it was an enjoyable afternoon which ended way too soon. There were no handshakes on the 18thgreen, no beers at the bar, and we drove home separately.

Welcome Okie556! I'm guessing you're just north across the Red River from me here in TX? I agree with you 100% on installing the rubber strip around the perimeter of the SuperATV glass. My thumbs were sore for days! Post some pics when you get a chance. CG

Great start! That's what I started with adding to my Defender as well as a rear-view mirror for when skirting the highways on the way to the hunting lease! CG

Welcome McCleary92! Enjoy your new HD5! Post some pics when you get a chance. CG

An old, blind cowboy walks into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells at the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The entire bar immediately falls completely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl standing 6'4" and can bench press 400 lbs. 3. I'm a 6' 2" tall woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is a blonde as well as a professional wrestler. 5. The woman sitting on the other side of you is a blonde and a UFC fighter. The lady continued on, "think long and hard if you really want to tell that joke mister." The blind cowboy doesn't take long to ponder his decision and says, "No, not really, especially if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A family is at the dinner table. Little Johnny asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father somewhat surprised, answers, “Well son, a woman goes through three phases in life. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” little Johnny asks. “Yes", said the father. "You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter, Maryanne. Maryanne asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, sturdy and very firm. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” Maryanne asks. “Yes, said the mother. "Dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” Hope all of you are well. Be careful and keep a safe social distance and wash your hands often!

Welcome DavidY! Look forward to seeing some of your pics! CG

A terrible snowstorm blows through town one night and leaves everything covered in snow. The snow plows were working furiously to keep the larger parking lots cleared to allow people to pick up essential groceries etc. After a while, a snow plow driver noticed a car had been following him for an hour. He stopped and got out of his truck to see if the driver needed help. As he approached the driver of the car, he asked, "ma'am, is there anything I can do for you?" "No", the blonde replied. "My father always told me that if a snow storm ever hit while I was going home and I got lost, to follow a snow plow as it would eventually lead me home." "That's all fine and dandy ma'am, "the driver replied, "but after I finish the Wal-Mart, I have to move on to the other grocery stores in town."

Great looking machine Gump. Welcome! I found a SuperATV rearview mirror on Ebay that works great and took less than 15 minutes to mount. I think it was around $40 bucks. CG

Welcome MNHD8 from Texas! All the best on getting some gobblers this season! CG

On the first day of school, Miss Jones is asking the class what they did over summer vacation. Little Johnny says "we stuck firecrackers up the butts of squirrels and lit ‘em up!" Miss Jones stops him and says, "Johnny! The correct word is rectum." Johnny says, " you're dang right we rectum!!! We blowed ‘em all to pieces!"

Looks like great times RossO! Making some good memories. Yes, these machines are versatile! CG

Welcome to the forum terrycj! I have a 2019 HD8 and don't have any problems maneuvering without power steering. Not much different from driving a golf cart unless in you're in some rutty terrain. My hunting buddy has a Polaris XP with EPS and it's certainly easier to steer but the HD8 is NOT labor intensive. All the best to you and enjoy your new HD8! CG

Bob and Dave were standing high on a ridge overlooking a road in rural East Texas on opening day of deer season. They both spotted a huge buck trotting towards them. Just as Bob raised his gun to shoot, a funeral procession was driving slowly down the road. Bob slowly lowered his gun, took off his hat, and stood with his head bowed until the procession had passed. Of course by then, the buck was long gone. Dave exclaimed, “Wow that was the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen! You are an amazing human being and a shining example to sportsmen throughout the world to pay respect to others!” Bob nodded and said; “well, it was out of respect, after all we were married for 45 years!”

Much appreciated Mark!

Three Dogs At The Vet... Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they struck up a conversation. The black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said, "So why are you here ? " The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The black lab said, "So what’s the vet going to do?" "Gonna cut my nuts off " came the reply from the yellow Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down." The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, "So why are you here ?" The black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the fun of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch." "So what are they going to do to you? " the yellow Lab enquired. "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected black Lab said. The black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here? "I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see." Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her feet, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away." The black and the yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, " So, its nuts off for you too, huh?" The Great Dane said, "No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!”

My HD8 has just over 11 hours and like many have stated, I will change it much sooner (this spring) as I do with all my other power equipment/bikes each year. What brand synthetic are y'all using and is it very difficult to DIY? Thanks. CG

A blonde was trying to paint their house wearing a fur coat and a mink coat. By the afternoon, she passed out sweating and exhausted. When her husband came and found her unconscious and got her revived, he asked why she was wearing the coats? She replied, "On the label it says, for full coverage, USE TWO COATS!"

Happy Saturday all. I apologize I've missed the last couple of weeks. Mrs. Jones asks her class, "What part of the body grows ten times larger when stimulated?" The class is silent so the teacher asks them again. This time a little girl named Kim raises her hand, "Mrs. Jones, you shouldn't be asking seventh graders this kind of question. I'm going to tell my parents." Mrs. Jones ignores her and calls on Johnny. He answers, "The pupil in your eye." Mrs. Jones replies, "Very good Johnny," then she turns to Kim, "Now for you young lady, I have three things to tell you. First, you have a very dirty mind. Second, you didn't do your homework. Third, you are going to be very disappointed."

A man goes to a restaurant and is seated by an extremely hot waitress. When she asks him for his order he replies, "I'll have a quickie." The waitress storms off angry. After she regains composure she comes back and asks him once again what he will have. He replies, "All I want is a quickie." She can't control herself this time so she slaps him. A man sitting near him leans over and whispers, "Sir, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."