Saturday Laughs

[Coachgun]

Two strangers were seated next to each other on a long flight when the first guy turned to the second and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The second guy, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, took off his glasses and said to the first guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the first guy, "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said the second guy. "That could be and interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the first guy. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said the second guy, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s*%t?"

[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he asked the congregation for a raise.

After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, things started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary.

A great deal of loud discussion took place, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us."

Silence fell over the congregation.

In the back seat, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

The entire congregation said, "Amen."

Edited January 29, 2022 by Coachgun
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[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

The officer said, “You’re staggering.”

I said, “You’re quite handsome yourself!”

We laughed and laughed.

I need bail money!

[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

Hit the range today, need some deep cleaning...

[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

Bartender vs. Psychiatrist

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a psychiatrist and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared and I think I'm going crazy.”

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist. "Come in and talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

“How much do you charge?”

"Eighty dollars per visit", replied the doctor.

"I'll sleep on it", I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.

"Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year is $12,480.   A bartender cured me for $20.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new Can Am Defender!"

"Is that so?" With a bit of an attitude, he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now!”

It’s always better to get a second opinion!

[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

Maurice, Pierre and Boudreaux are applying for the same job. Maurice goes in to the interview room first and the interviewer has no ears.

“This job requires strong observation skills,” the interviewer says. “For your first exercise, I would like you to make an observation about me.” Maurice replies, “Well, you’ve got no ears.” upon which the interviewer yells, “Get out!”

Pierre goes in next. “This job requires strong observation skills,” the interviewer says. “For your first exercise, I would like you to make an observation about me.” Pierre replies, “Well, you’ve got no ears.” upon which the interviewer yells, “Get out!”

Maurice and Pierre explain to Boudreaux that the interviewer has no ears and is a bit sensitive about it, so Boudreaux shouldn’t mention it;  Boudreaux obliges and goes in. “This job requires strong observation skills,” the interviewer says. “For your first exercise, I would like you to make an observation about me.”

Boudreaux looks the interviewer over for all of about a minute before saying, “You wear contact lenses.”

The interviewer replies, “That’s incredible, that’s absolutely right! How did you know?”

Boudreaux replies, “How could you wear glasses? You got no ears.”

[Coachgun]

Happy Easter and blessings to you and your families!

He has risen!

[Coachgun]