Saturday Laughs

[Coachgun]

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

“Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot.  I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the” night.  We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out and I’ve got a really good feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that!”

“I’m pretty positive after this first time, there’ll be many more times so you’d better give me the 12 pack.”

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents.  He asks if he could say the blessing and they agree.  He begins the prayer and continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over to him and says, “You never told me you were such a religious person?”

The boy leans over to her and whispers, “You never told me your father was a pharmacist!”

[A hunt 2 remember]

T'was a week before 🎄Christmas, and all through the town, people wore masks, that covered their 🙁frown.  The frown had begun way back in the spring when a global pandemic changed everything.  They called it corona, but unlike the 🍺beer, It didn’t bring good times, it didn’t bring cheer.  ✈️Airplanes were grounded, travel was banned. Borders were closed across air, sea, and land.  As the world entered lockdown to flatten the curve, the economy halted, and folks lost their nerve.  From March to July we rode the first wave, people stayed home, they tried to behave.  When summer emerged the lockdown was lifted, but away from caution, many folks drifted.  Now it’s December and cases are spiking, wave two has arrived, much to our disliking.  It’s true that this year has had sadness a-plenty, we’ll never forget the year 2020.  And just ‘round the corner - The holiday season, but why be merry? Is there even one reason?  To decorate the house and put up the tree, who will see it, no one but me.  But outside my window, the snow gently falls, and I think to myself, let’s deck the halls!  So, I gather the ribbon, The garland, and bows, as I play those old carols, my happiness grows.  Christmas is not canceled and neither is hope. If we lean on each other, I know we can cope...Keep it going!   
🎄⛄️
Merry Christmas family and friends!!!!   
 

Edited December 23, 2020 by A hunt 2 remember

[Coachgun]

[A hunt 2 remember]

On 12/26/2020 at 12:14 PM, Coachgun said:

Well, I'll see your Buck in a truck... and raise with this...

[A hunt 2 remember]

[Coachgun]

Day late....happy new year everyone!

 

 

[A hunt 2 remember]

[Coachgun]

Never Take Your Wife to the State Fair!

My wife and I went to the state fair and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.

We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, “THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR”.  My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said, “He mated 50 times last year.”

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, “THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR.”  My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, “WOW!  That’s more than twice a week!  You could learn a lot from him.”

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, “THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR”.  My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs and said, “That’s once a day.  You could REALLY learn something from this one.”

I looked at her and said, “Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow?”

My condition is slowly improving and I’ve been upgraded from critical to stable condition.  Doctors say I should make a full recovery. 

[Coachgun]

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook venison steaks.  However, all of Bubba’s neighbors were Catholic and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating red meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steak was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Bubba and suggested he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.  The priest sprinkled Holy water over him and said, “You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.”

Bubba’s neighbors were greatly relieved until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison steaks filled the neighborhood.  The priest was called immediately by the neighbors.

As the priest rushed into Bubba’s yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of Holy water, which he carefully sprinkled over the grilled meat while chanting, “You was born a deer and you was raised a deer, but now you are a catfish.”

[Coachgun]

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." 

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?" 

"No," the cook said, "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon." 

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. 

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?" 

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

Edited January 23, 2021 by Coachgun

[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

 

Edited February 14, 2021 by Coachgun

[Coachgun]

A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat.

She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so she pushes him back onto the seat.

A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again.

Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm twelve blocks past my stop already."

[Coachgun]