Saturday Laughs

[Coachgun]

Sheep mob

Edited June 20, 2021 by Coachgun

[Coachgun]

A teacher is teaching class and she sees that little Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on the water, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!

[Coachgun]

Just a peaceful Saturday afternoon joy ride!

[Coachgun]

It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."

[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

About had enough!

Edited July 31, 2021 by Coachgun

[Coachgun]

 

An older, white haired gentleman walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock, brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, “I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

“Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweler said.

The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check.

“I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds. I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.”

“I know”, said the old man, “but can you imagine the weekend I had?

[Coachgun]

In Olympic fashion....almost a perfect 10!

[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She says, 'Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.'

'And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?'

'We use it for sex.'

The researcher was a little taken back. 'Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge.

But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty.

Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?

The woman says, 'I don't mind telling you at all...my husband and I put it on the door knob so the kids can't open the door!

And you thought it was gonna be a dirty joke...!

Edited August 28, 2021 by Coachgun

[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

 

 

May we always honor those who run towards danger and bravely and selfishly defend our freedoms. Thoughts and prayers to the family and friends of those who lost their lives 20 years ago today.

Edited September 12, 2021 by Coachgun

[Coachgun]

[Coachgun]

Hazel and Janice are outside of their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it begins to rain. 

Hazel pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.

Janice says, “what in the world is that?”

Hazel responds, “a condom.  This way, my cigarette doesn’t get wet!”

Janice asks, “where’d you get it?”

Hazel firmly states, “you can get them at any pharmacy.”

The next day, Janice wanders down to the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she needs a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, certainly embarrassed by the request, looks at her strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks, "what size, texture, brand of condom does she prefer?"

Janice responds, “it doesn’t matter sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.”

The pharmacist fainted!

Edited September 25, 2021 by Coachgun